When The Game Is Taken Away From You

This is not the feel good, motivational, or how to make you a better pitcher kind of post that Denny often highlights. This is a post that I never wanted to write, and this is probably a post that you never want to have to reference but unfortunately here it is…

I’m not talking about graduating or losing your last game of the season. I’m talking about being forced to give up the game because of injury, illness, or any number of unforeseeable circumstances.

Everyone says “Play each play as if it was your last.” That’s easy to say! But what happens when you’re on the other side of that statement? You’re sitting in the doctor’s office and he says “You have to be done.”

I don’t remember my last play, I don’t remember my last at bat, I don’t remember my last game because I wasn’t prepared for it to be over. Don’t get me wrong, I played with everything I had at all times and always wanted to finish on top. But I didn’t know that I was supposed to remember that particular one, I didn’t realize that I was finished and that I should be paying attention closely. I was heartbroken, hurt, and immediately started searching for a second opinion. In my heart of hearts I knew I was done. My body was telling me so. When I finally decided to give in to the wisdom to end my playing career, God graciously opened another door for me to coach! What better way to continue to participate in the game that I loved. However, I wasn’t prepared for the reality of just how difficult it would be to be around the game, but not actually participate as a player.

And without going on for too long about my personal story, here is where I want to offer some advice and experience to players, coaches, and parents facing this situation:

1. Not all players will react the same. Have an open dialogue and figure out what you (or your player) need most during this time. Some players will take an active role in the sport moving forward, and for others this might prove to be very emotionally challenging. If you are in the middle of your season and this happens you should do your best to continue to commit wholeheartedly to your teammates, they need you. But a word to parents and coaches, please realize this is not always easy for some players as they experience great disappointment.

2. A message to players; you might not know what you need, but keeping your feelings inside won’t help figure it out. Confide in a friend, parent, or coach who will listen. Journal, write, sing, whatever you need to do to figure out your feelings.

3. Grieve! This was a big one for me. Being around the game and throwing myself into a coaching position actually made me angry and bitter toward the doctors, my situation, the sport, and God. I didn’t give myself room to grieve at the loss of my future hopes and dreams. I didn’t give myself room to grieve for all of the game-winning plays I’d never make, I didn’t give myself room to grieve the feel of a homerun swing, I didn’t give myself room to grieve the nail biting energy that comes along with an extra inning “under the lights game” against your favorite rival… I didn’t know I needed to grieve!! I finally started seeking out professional counseling and realized that I had been stuffing all my grief below the surface. Players, there is NOTHING wrong with seeking out help! I was a part of this game for 17 years before it was ripped from me. I not only lost my sport, but I lost my health at the same time. There was a lot of emotion that I was not prepared for when that happened. My counseling taught me a lot about grief and it was a necessary step for me. It might be for many of you too.

4. Say Goodbye and thank you to the game. I was severely grieving the fact that I would never have a Senior Day. My whole career I looked forward to this moment as a send-off. I didn’t end up going on to the next level. That’s the day that I would get to properly say goodbye to the game. Instead of a senior day, I hiked Yosemite Falls, in Yosemite National Park. It was very emotional and ceremonial for me. It represented a similar challenge to a game, and satisfied that feeling that you get when you overcome a challenge. When I got to the top my Mother actually took pictures of me in my Graduation Cap and even had some flowers for me as a ceremonial send off. I think it’s important that you have a ceremonial send-off and a proper goodbye and thank you to the game. This game gave you many wonderful moments, friends and memories. Don’t forget to thank God for allowing you to play for so long. There is something freeing about thankfulness. Trust me.

5. As you are figuring out what you need, find ways to satisfy that need. Think about the qualities that made you a great player? Were you driven? Competitive? Focused? Do you need a place to compete? Then, brainstorm activities that can satisfy your need for competition. Or, dedicate yourself to something new that you can be passionate about.

6. Lastly and most importantly, understand that who you are is not wrapped up in your ERA, Batting Average, Number of Wins, or your accolades as a player. Being a great player does not make you who you are, but who you are is what makes you a great. I try to teach my students that sport can enhance and bring out our qualities, but those cannot be taken away when the sport is over. The same drive and determination that I had while playing, also allowed me to overcome other great difficulties I’ve encountered in the 10yrs since I was forced to give up playing.

I’ve written a conclusion to this post multiple times and unfortunately I don’t have great words. I want to say “if you find yourself in this situation don’t worry, you’ll be ok.” But, in all honesty that would just be cliché, and not how I really feel. What I need to say is, it’s hard. You might be dealing with physical pain in the midst of the emotional pain that you now feel, and that’s really hard! The same dedication and drive you showed to the game, your team, and to the sport is the same dedication and drive you need to get through this. Also, when it gets hard you can always reach out to me at ruggedsoftball@gmail.com.

Ps. Rugged, means. “capable of enduring hardship, wear, etc.; strong and tough.” Which is why I’ve named my business Rugged Softball.

Editor’s note: Jenn Newman is a Tincher Pitching Certified Instructor near Toledo. She has taken the same devotion to being a great player into her role as Instructor. To say she is brilliant would be an understatement. We are so honored to have her in our organization.