Things You Must Know About Coaching Girls

Last week I began research on a relatively easy article, things you should know when coaching girls. This seemed like an easy, non-controversial article, until we began discussing it among our group of Certified Instructors. I was amazed at their conclusions.

We have all heard quotes like, “Girls don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”. There may be some truth in that statement, but like any generalization it can be very false much of the time. So, let’s step right into the discussion.
Jenn Newman of Toledo says, “Everything that happens to her will affect her pitching. A bad score on a test, fight with friends, not sleeping well, eating the wrong thing for lunch or snack. We are like spaghetti, ever thing is intertwined. We do not compartmentalize things like men.” Alex MacLean of Pennsylvania countered with, “There are a select few who can flip the switch and block it all out.” However, Alex also concedes that, often the generalization is true, saying, “Sometimes we just need to talk about something that is not softball to clear our minds. Every lesson I talk with a kid about their day, something funny that happened in school etc. I didn’t always do this but when I started I saw huge changes in the ways they acted around me.”
Chrissy Semler, in the Boston area, offers a very important insight. “It’s also important to understand that not all girls are “typical girls.” You should get to know her rather than assuming she is the same as other girls. Do not stereotype her based on her gender because many things are not true for all females.” Krista Trimble of South Carolina agrees, “Every girl is different and should be treated as such. Don’t ever assume they’ll respond a certain way.”

So, what do we learn? The first time I coached girls, I saw obvious differences. Like Brett Anderson of North Carolina observes, “They do not respond to the verbal communication style so commonly used when coaching/instructing boys. They are emotional and will respond to instruction emotionally at times. As instructors, we must keep his in mind and communicate appropriately.” But, Chrissy came back with, “You also must understand that not all girls fit that mold. Not all females are emotional just as not all males are not emotional. You need to adapt to the individual and not just their gender. It’s good to have knowledge of how females are more likely to be vs males but you shouldn’t assume that is true for all females.”

So, who is right? Actually both may be. You see, coming from a male perspective, I was like Brett, surprised that many of the things I thought of normal behavior for athletes was not the same for females. I don’t think all females are the same, but my starting point had to be adjusted so I would not start from a guy’s point of view. If I believe that girls are a bit more relationship-oriented, and I run across one that is much more like me, that’s an easy adjustment for me to make. But if I start from my hard-nosed football coach’s perspective, I will have a hard time adjusting to the kid who is more emotional. So, Brett and I move the needle to the middle for a starting point. Then, we must listen very carefully to adjust to her specific needs.

Let’s throw something else into the mix that helps explain the conflicting ideas. As a kid matures, she can easily step out of one phase and into another. Jenn Newman talks about that process, “She will do things to want to please you, but a great coach will help her learn that intrinsic motivation is better and eventually she will want to do it to please herself.” Cheryl Flavin adds, “They need to be athletes. That doesn’t mean they need to act like boys but there is a lot that comes with being an athlete – commitment mental toughness dedication. The ability to focus, and focus on what you can control.” In other words, as we mature in a skill, often we find ourselves less affected by outside forces, more confident, and the rewards of knowing we did a good job become more important.

Basically, we are saying that age, experience, and maturity are just as important as gender. You would never treat an 18U elite team in the same way as a 10U rec team. Some rules still apply, but you must adjust to the personnel in order to communicate effectively.

Finally, Heather Pomilio of Long Island, New York, makes another great point. “Listening becomes even more important for another reason, learning disabilities.” They need to trust you enough to let you know of obstacles they face so you can work together to overcome them. Because I travel so much to work with our Instructors, I see thousands of kids each year, and quite often I run into kids with dyslexia and I usually spot some telltale signs quickly. They are shocked that I detect it, sometimes a little embarrassed, but that changes when I reveal that I absolutely love kids with challenges. They always had to work harder than most kids in order to succeed, so they can be my best students. Is this always true? Not always, but it happens often enough that it raises my expectations, and my expectations can have a positive effect on them. The point is this. Once we know the starting point of a kid, whether it is physical, emotional, or developmental, we can better design a plan to help her succeed.

Isn’t that the point? How can we discover ways to help each kid raise her expectations? There is no formula, girl or guy, which guarantees success. The important thing for men to remember is listen, focus, understand, and try to meet her where she is comfortable, but then help her learn to step outside her comfort zone. The important thing for women is….well…the same thing.

Special thanks to all of our Instructors for contributions, and for material we will use in future articles. This is a bright and growing group, and we are honored that they choose to serve under our name. –Denny Tincher