Teaching Her to Reach Higher

Being the parent of an elite athlete is something for which few of us are prepared. The sad fact is that there are a lot of ways to make it difficult for her to achieve.

First, realize that not all pitchers have the same goals. This article is specifically about that athlete who wants to play on big stages.

Parents can easily become too involved, too detached, too worrisome, too demanding, or too inconsistent with their support. First of all, it has to be her dream. Give her room, let her explore, and listen carefully to hear where she wants to go with softball.

One of the questions I hear most is how to get her to take practice seriously. I tell parents that some days you have to beg, bribe, threaten, or find creative ways to motivate her to practice. This is just our way of saying that you have to help support her dreams, sometimes in creative fashion, until she can take charge. She has probably never set a 5-year goal. You have to assist her.

Even our Certified Instructors have to learn the best ways to deal with their own kids. Recently Shelly Farris of Elkton, Maryland, talked about watching her daughter start coming of age. Here is her story.

Our team entered the big 3 day Memorial Madness tournament with 88 teams in the 14u division. My daughter has been pitching for the last 4 years and I have watched her slowly progress into a competitor.

There was a time when I didn’t think pitching was for her. In the beginning she broke all our shed windows in the back yard and numerous times my husband or I would walk away, upset because she couldn’t hit our glove during practice. I made her a promise. If she agreed to do her drills and practice at least four days a week we would continue paying for pitching lessons. We shook hands. There were many times when she would not live up to her promise. Often, I would go up to her room as she was laying there watching TV or texting with friends and I would demand she come to the garage and work on drills. There were plenty of times when the garage was freezing or very hot and, still, we asked her to get to work.

My husband and I had lots of discussions on stopping lessons. We were PAYING good money and if she wasn’t going to do her part then we didn’t want to pay. We felt that “We couldn’t make her want it.” Or could we??????????????????

Even though there were times when we had to make her go do her drills she ALWAYS thanked us for pushing her. Slowly, as she got older, we had to “tell” her to practice less often. As I reflect back on her progression, as parents our job is to teach our children responsibility and commitment. If we let them give up or quit how will they know how to finish and succeed? Yes, there are kids out there who will practice nonstop on their own, but they are outnumbered by the ones who need the little push.

As my daughter was in the circle, each year I would constantly yell stuff to help her, just like all of the other parents. This past weekend, it came together. After taking some advice on ways to work with her from Scott Cranford (California Tincher instructor) I watched my girl out there as a pitcher and not my daughter. I saw her differently. I wasn’t trying to correct or fix her. I enjoyed her. I admired her. I watched her throw a curve and not execute it, then I saw her come into the dugout after the inning. All by herself she worked out her curve steps, over and over. The next inning the curve made hitters swing out of their shoes. During innings when our offense stayed on the field for long periods, I saw her get up and do drills without a ball to stay loose. When she was told she was the relief pitcher I saw her come out each inning and warm up so she would be ready to go. They were playing on a baseball field so the mound was sloped and she was struggling with her screwball. Instead of not throwing it, I watched her walk through it on the mound during warm ups and figure it out. I watched her have the confidence to throw the rise ball for the first time in a game and nail it. I watched her pitch and I loved it. This weekend I watched my daughter become a competitor. I watched her hard work pay off. I am so proud of her!

Thanks Shelly for a great story. Every kid is different. Finding that special way of relating to her is an art, not a science. Taking time to do it right is the best thing you can do to give her a chance to live her dreams and build a relationship that will last throughout your lives.